Seeing Beyond The Self

Based on the article “The Power to See Ourselves” by Paul J. Brouwer

All of us have a tendency of seeing, hearing, and believing exactly what we want to. Take the example of a rose. We notice the flower’s petals and their delicate beauty, not the thorns on its stem. Take the example of any person who you admire. You see the good, and choose to ignore the bad. What we are able to see – the sieve, the filter we use against the world – essentially defines the way we see ourselves. Our self-concept, self-image – which defines how we interpret the world. And which is what we need to modify to be better.

Arguments to the above will include strong defences of the form “I am what I am”. But life throws up such challenges, such situations that this counter seems pathetically inadequate, ineffective, worthless. “I am what I am” is a fallacy. We change everyday.

Responsibility awaits us. Today’s students will be tomorrow’s managers. And not just at their jobs. Management of life is a task in itself. Tomorrow, the responsibility of several people will lie upon our shoulders. The question is : can we truly understand them and be responsible for them if we don’t understand ourselves?

What does understanding the self involve? In my opinion, it involves knowing and accepting where we are good, and where we are bad, so that we can change for the better. So that we can constantly challenge ourselves.

But how does one understand the self? Introspection and acceptance. Each one of us essentially knows what we are made up of – what our qualities are, and what are our shortcomings. It’s just that we generally choose to brush whatever we find wrong with ourselves under the carpet. We choose to defend whatever bad we have in terms of our needs, and individuality. A short-tempered person says he must be angry or people will not listen. A smoker knows smoking kills, but defends his need to smoke due to a stressful life. Or else we simply deny. “This is not a problem I have”. The Architect in The Matrix rightly said “Denial is the most predictable of all human responses.” I might add it is one of the commonest ones too.

At this point, I would like to warn against another very common human tendency – the tendency to believe in extremes. It is important to believe in your good and recognize your bad, for everyone lies in the grey spectrum. People can be incredibly self-loathing or narcissistic when analysing themselves. Constructive appraisal from reliable sources is what helps further clarify the understanding of the self.

So once we are done with self-analysis, how do we proceed? By simply motivating the self to change. There should be willingness to change for the better. Easier said than done, I know. But there’s no other way. I’ve found with my personal experiences and with those of others that we change only when we are exposed to the adverse consequences of what we do. It’s always better if we can recognize the potential consequences in advance and act before damage. Damage can sometimes be irreparable, and the scars of a failing can haunt a person for life.

Self-improvement is again a tricky thing, for people can get obsessed with every little fault of theirs. But excess of even a good thing – trying to change for the better in this case – is bad. So don’t nag yourself into becoming pessimistic, albeit ready for change – recognize and change where it is actually needed.

The ball is always in our court. Our life, our decisions. Change will happen – it is inevitable. It is up to us as to whether we want life run its course and change us, or step up and do the needful.